RoninGryphon's Xanga

It's been a while...

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 21:15:22 GMT

So I thought that while I am waiting for the cafeteria to open that I might as well go ahead and write a new post because, Hell, I haven't written one in a long time.

So much has happened since the last time I posted. I think that there is so much I could write on, but as it stands, the only thing I can think to write about is my boyfriend...

The newest model is named Robert. He's pretty much the most awesome thing ever. I met him in high school and actually graduated with him, but he was one of Ariel's friends, not mine. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be dating him now, I might have died of shock or slapped that person for lying and burn them for blasphemy. As it stands, he must be the greatest thing that I ever did stumble across. He seems to make it his life mission to make me happy and I doubt there is anyone in the world who could accomplish it better than him.

Of course since I haven't left JBU and this is my fifth semester here, that also means that this is my second long distance relationship. I think that Robert is having a much harder time than I am coping with the distance, although I know he can handle it. I'm totally excited though because only ten days from now he's going to come up to Arkansas to visit me and I can hardly wait. I know that things will get better once we find some pattern of life apart from one another, but I don't think that missing him will ever really go away completely. Luckily I only have two semesters left after this one so I won't have to stay away from him too terribly long...

Then who knows, maybe there will be wedding bells after that ;)

Taking a little bit of light...

Tue, 05 May 2009 02:52:04 GMT

Here it is... the end of a very long and emotional semester. As I'm cleaning out my desk, I pull out something that made me smile. A little keychain flashlight I procured from a geo cache only hours before our car wreck on January 17th.

It just reminded me of the little light that we can take away from such experiences. Not all bad experiences have to be great and completely terrible... even if they are that way at first. God makes all things new and everything is made beautiful in it's time.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

I don't know God's plan for me and why He spared my life that day. I don't know why He took away the only man that I ever loved so deeply. I don't know where I'm going or what's up ahead and as Ecclesiastes says, I cannot fathom what God is doing from the beginning to the end. All I know is that I want God to be there every step of the way.

Eternity is in my heart and I think about it constantly now more than ever. What am I taking with me when my time really IS over? I feel like I've wasted so much time indulging my flesh and I feel so silly for having a midlife crisis at 19 years of age. Then I think, it's better to feel this way now and do something about it before I'm 50 and feel the same way.

Whatever darkness you go through, look for the light and hold on to it. The more little lights you have, the more clearly you can see in this pitch black.

No ifs, ands, or butts...

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 05:25:04 GMT

I don't normally tag people in notes, because that's just plain annoying. Since Facebook is slow about transferring my blogs into my notes I'll tag you all tomorrow but I do think that it's important for me to be obedient to the Lord and share with everyone what has happened this evening.

I went to Antioch to hear a guest speaker named James Maloney, (I believe that was his name), speak on healing and prophecy ect. I was curious and all of that fun stuff and I was really pressing in during worship so all was good.

Maloney spoke on a few different stories of healing and then said something like, he was getting this word from the Lord about broken bones that haven't quite healed and other skeletal things like that. Well, almost two years ago, I was in a roller blade accident in England where I fell and broke/cracked my tailbone and it hadn't fully healed... until now.

Me and several others went up for healing and many of them were just astounding. When he finally got to me, I told him what was wrong and he prayed for me. Nothing super weird happened on the surface. I didn't start glowing and I didn't feel this fire consume my bones but I do know one thing; the pain that I had before is gone

So now I'm going to be open about that God has done for me and when people ask, I'm going to tell them how I'm really doing. Jesus not only saved my butt, He healed it.

Christian Bale is "The One"

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:26:03 GMT

So last night, Liz and I watched one of the most awesome movies ever and I'm wondering why it is that I have not seen this movie before.

Some of you have probably seen it, it's called Equilibrium and it has a very complicated plot line that I don't have enough time to write about right now. However, it very much reminds me of the Matrix, although it's less complicated, easier to follow and Christian Bale plays Keanu Reeves better than Keanu Reeves.

If you have seen it, why didn't you tell me about it before? If you haven't seen it, you're missing out and need to make a trip to blockbuster.

When He shakes His mane...

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:30:03 GMT

As cliche as it sounds, there is actually a lot that melting trees can teach us about God testing us. Okay, maybe it's just me, but it was so refreshing to walk among the silver trees through the quad and just listen to the cracking sound of branches shedding their winter skins and coming back to life.

I have been going through a hard time lately as many of you might know. I may put on a brave face, but it's not always easy letting go of dreams and aspirations more than two years in the making. I found myself in my own winter skin... cold and bending ready to snap in half, not knowing what was going to happen next. Even if I do get rid of this ice all around me, I am still bent and awkward and I wonder how long it will take for me to stand upright.

Then I realized that of all the branches being broken off are the branches that are really the weakest. God's living water froze around me and it was hard, but the weight of it broke off what didn't need to be there and tested what should stay and what should go. What I am left with may not be much, but it's a start. I look forward to feeling the breeze and the warm sun. I anticipate the water trickling down from the melting ice and feeding the roots giving me the strength to grow something new. I know even though I can't see it that Spring is coming because it comes every year without fail and when it does I will bloom again.

Frequently asked questions...

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 20:13:57 GMT

So many of you know and want to know the "dirty details" about why Sam and I broke up...

Sam and I broke up because we were trying to maintain a relationship from a very bad standpoint in our lives. We want to be there for each other and make it work, but really it was just impossible. The break up was made in a mature, civil manner and we are still very good friends and will continue to be for many years to come. One day we might get back together, but if we don't then it's not going to shatter our worlds. We have ZERO regrets about our relationship and that's the way that it should be.

So you might be asking me "But Joanna, are you okay?"

Yes. Between the car wreck last weekend and the break up this weekend, I should be totally heartbroken, shattered, battered and a car wreck in and of myself.... but I'm not. I haven't cried a single tear and when the break up happened, it was a relief because now I can be myself by myself for a while and it's going to be good even if the adjustment period will get weird. I know at least "Ex-boyfriend" was not previously in my vocabulary.

My friends all swear that suitors will pop up from seemingly nowhere and that I'll get another guy in no time but the fact of the matter is, Sam set a pretty high bar to jump. I'm not about to sit here and say that I don't want a relationship right now, because I don't know what God's timing is going to be like and He knows better than me when it comes to romance. If I don't meet my next significant other for a while, then it's okay, but if I meet him next week then screw all ideas of a rebound boyfriend >_> Seriously though, I may wait a while before I start looking again anyway just because I'm still switching mindsets.

Another question that I believe I should answer is "Do you think you guys started too early?"

No. He was exactly what I needed at this time in my life and like I said, we have no regrets. Relationships start and end all the time and while high school relationships hardly ever worked out, I still would have done the exact same thing all over again. I am a better person after having dated this incredible man and I wish him the best of everything as we set out our different ways.

July 26, 1989- ?

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 03:25:15 GMT

Because of the grace of God, the date on the right was not January 17, 2009.

A lot of you know, but I was in a car wreck yesterday and what I remember happened goes as follows...

We were coming back from seeing this run down hotel thingie and Andrea Meadows was in the very back with me. Yes, we were in the VERY back without seat belts... learned that lesson... ANYWAY!

We turned sharply on a loose gravel road and started fishtailing. We went down on the driver's side and rolled over a barbed wire fence. I remember there was a lot of spinning and I thought there was no way everyone was going to survive and I was hoping that I wasn't going to die. We stopped suddenly and the car was upright. I pulled myself up and saw the broken windshield. I looked over at my friend who was screaming and she pulled herself over to a broken window and dropped down from it. I tried to get someone to open the back door for me, but Louis couldn't get it open for some reason. Then the car lurched forward because Troy took his foot off the pedal, but then someone grabbed the emergency break and the car stopped. At this point, I just went for the broken window and Louis caught me.

Andrea was screaming and Ana was holding her. I remember smelling burnt rubber and cow... which was a weird mix. It took me a while to realize that my glasses were missing, but thankfully they survived. I sat on the hill looking down at the car while holding a tissue to by one cut on the palm of my hand and I was just so thankful to God for saving all of us. Andrea was laying on the ground and had the worst injury out of all of us, a hand with several cuts on it, but she didn't break anything; none of us did.

So the firemen, the paramedics and the police came. Andrea and Josh went with them to the hospital to check everything out. I almost went, but there was clearly no glass in my hand, so I decided against it. We filled out police reports and all that fun stuff, then the policeman gave us a ride to a local McDonald's where we waited for a friend to pick us up.

The Boxers

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 02:45:04 GMT

This is a story born from endless talks in Mayfield about honeymoons... I hope you guys enjoy it. I tried to think of an ending for this couple, but I think it may just be best left to the reader...

The boxers I wore were ordinary. Fruit of the Loom brand, plaid blue and green. They were soft-ish, made of cotton with a loose fit to them. They hugged my sides with an elastic waist and fulfilled their purpose of covering my manhood. They had served me well the past few months, they’d done their usual duty but tonight they served another purpose, the thing that made these boxers truly significant was the fact that they were about to come off.

Sarah and I had dated for several years, and approximately eight or nine hours ago, we finally tied the knot and I gave her my last name. We had a traditional wedding with a couple hundred friends and family. It was as beautiful as a meager budget could allow, but Sarah had managed to stretch every penny and I determined this would be a good aspect in her later on in our marriage.

There were other things that I loved about her. I loved her smile, just the very sight of it made me forget the worries of my day. She was loved and respected by everyone and I could hardly believe that she would have picked some lanky, awkward guy like me. Not that I had low self esteem, but in my mind it was like pairing a pauper with a princess. She claimed over and over that I was a prince in her eyes but I wanted to be so much more to her, so I made her my wife so I could be her provider, her companion, her husband.

It seemed to be a long time ago that Sarah had walked into the bathroom. She shouldn’t have taken this long to get out of her dress. I glanced over at the clock, ten minutes had passed since the last time I checked it. I stretched my arms in the air and rubbed my head nervously.

The bathroom door was dark, but the patches of light around the edges of the threshold were still lit. It was strangely quiet from within, but then I heard the sound of running water. The scratching sound of someone brushing their teeth was heard and I resolved to wait sitting on the bed.

The mattress creaked as I sat down on it. All of a sudden, it really hit me that I was about to have sex with the most gorgeous woman I had ever known. I had never been with a woman before, and Sarah had never been with a man. We were virgins, the both of us and we were about to have the night of our lives… or so I thought.

The faucet turned off. “Sarah?”

I was met with silence from the bathroom. I heard footsteps come close to the door and the light turned off. Confused, I walked over to the bathroom door and said “Sarah, it takes two to tango and I’m ready to dance if you know what I mean…” The statement was meant to be seductive in tone, but I don’t think it worked as well in practice as it had worked in my mind.

The door opened and Sarah stepped out in a small pink silk dress. Her hair was down and it flowed past her shoulders. Suddenly I felt very unimpressive in my boxers, so I took them off.

Sarah gasped and ran back into the bathroom. I picked up my boxers and wadded them up, throwing them across the room in frustration.

“Sarah, come on, we’re married now. This isn’t an issue anymore.”

“I’m sorry Gabe,” she said, “I just...” then a pause followed by a loud sigh. After a few seconds there were sobs.

I grabbed the doorknob, it was cold in my hand and I gripped it tightly. The door was opened and Sarah didn’t protest as I entered the bathroom.

“Sarah, turn around.”

She obeyed my order and looked at me bravely in the face. I grabbed her hand and kissed it with all the tenderness that I could muster. “What’s going on?”

She looked towards the empty bathtub, words swimming around her head. She was shaking all over her body and with her free arm, she hugged herself.

“I just, I’ve always had to say no to guys. I guess it’s hard for me to think that now I can say yes.”

I went back into the room and fished out my boxers from where I threw them and shoved my legs back through them. I was frustrated, but I tried not to show it. With my essentials properly covered, I walked back to Sarah and said the most horrifying words that a husband should never have to say to his wife on their first night.

“We don’t have to do this tonight. We can wait till you’re ready.”

A great wave of relief seemed to come over Sarah and she sank into the floor. I bent down and rubbed her back.

“I do love you Gabe, I just… need time to adjust.”

All Nighter

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:42:42 GMT

I just pulled my first all nighter at college and the sun is rising. It's quite beautiful actually and I hate biology more now than ever, but my work is not yet done, I need to go over my study guide one more time before I go take my Physical Science test. Funny thing is, I feel better now than I generally do when I only get like, three or four hours of sleep... I wonder why that is.

Anyway, I'm going to see Twilight this weekend and I'm actually pretty excited about it for some odd reason. I haven't even read the books, but I wish I could have been there with Bekah, Whitney and Tiffanie in the midnight line to go see it. Oh well, such is life. I wish you guys could see this birth of a new day with me, it's quite refreshing after such a long night.

Apple of the Debbil...

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:04:09 GMT

Whoa, I can't believe that I'm updating so soon after just having made a post, but hey, I was bored and in the mac lab trying to get used to these things that I decided to go ahead and indulge myself with making a post from one.

Anyway, I think my Ipod died... it ran out of battery and then I plugged it in and every few minutes it flashes this image of an Ipod with Xs on it's eyes and says "http://www.apple.com/support/ipod" and I was like, "Crap" But I went to said site and didn't find much help. Even tried resetting it and it didn't do anything. Man, I hate this so much, why can't anything last longer than two years like it used to? I don't want to have to beg my parents for an Ipod when they're already planning on getting me a real camera

It's kind of funny, a friend of mine who is a senior told me I should get an apple notebook. I told him "Fat chance" not because I can't afford one right now... but because I'm a freaking PC USER! WHO-CHA! Now I'm thinking that if their Ipod can't live more than two years, I don't want a laptop that might or might not do the same thing. On the other hand, having an apple would have it's merits. If, for example, Sam and I get married and I want to keep him from pranking my computer, (like the loving husband I'm sure he's going to be) then getting an apple would be ideal because he doesn't know how to use them. I've heard though that students can get discounts on computers, so I'm going to wait till my senior year or something like that to get one and have a nice little graduation gift for myself.

In completely unrelated news, the Jonas Brothers made an incredible music video of their song "Lovebug" Go watch it, it's bueno... even for the Jonas Brothers