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| Taking a little bit of light...Here it is... the end of a very long and emotional semester. As I'm cleaning out my desk, I pull out something that made me smile. A little keychain flashlight I procured from a geo cache only hours before our car wreck on January 17th.
It just reminded me of the little light that we can take away from such experiences. Not all bad experiences have to be great and completely terrible... even if they are that way at first. God makes all things new and everything is made beautiful in it's time.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
I don't know God's plan for me and why He spared my life that day. I don't know why He took away the only man that I ever loved so deeply. I don't know where I'm going or what's up ahead and as Ecclesiastes says, I cannot fathom what God is doing from the beginning to the end. All I know is that I want God to be there every step of the way.
Eternity is in my heart and I think about it constantly now more than ever. What am I taking with me when my time really IS over? I feel like I've wasted so much time indulging my flesh and I feel so silly for having a midlife crisis at 19 years of age. Then I think, it's better to feel this way now and do something about it before I'm 50 and feel the same way.
Whatever darkness you go through, look for the light and hold on to it. The more little lights you have, the more clearly you can see in this pitch black. | | |
| No ifs, ands, or butts...I don't normally tag people in notes, because that's just plain annoying. Since Facebook is slow about transferring my blogs into my notes I'll tag you all tomorrow but I do think that it's important for me to be obedient to the Lord and share with everyone what has happened this evening.
I went to Antioch to hear a guest speaker named James Maloney, (I believe that was his name), speak on healing and prophecy ect. I was curious and all of that fun stuff and I was really pressing in during worship so all was good.
Maloney spoke on a few different stories of healing and then said something like, he was getting this word from the Lord about broken bones that haven't quite healed and other skeletal things like that. Well, almost two years ago, I was in a roller blade accident in England where I fell and broke/cracked my tailbone and it hadn't fully healed... until now.
Me and several others went up for healing and many of them were just astounding. When he finally got to me, I told him what was wrong and he prayed for me. Nothing super weird happened on the surface. I didn't start glowing and I didn't feel this fire consume my bones but I do know one thing; the pain that I had before is gone
So now I'm going to be open about that God has done for me and when people ask, I'm going to tell them how I'm really doing. Jesus not only saved my butt, He healed it.
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| Christian Bale is "The One"So last night, Liz and I watched one of the most awesome movies ever and I'm wondering why it is that I have not seen this movie before.
Some of you have probably seen it, it's called Equilibrium and it has a very complicated plot line that I don't have enough time to write about right now. However, it very much reminds me of the Matrix, although it's less complicated, easier to follow and Christian Bale plays Keanu Reeves better than Keanu Reeves.
If you have seen it, why didn't you tell me about it before? If you haven't seen it, you're missing out and need to make a trip to blockbuster.
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| When He shakes His mane...As cliche as it sounds, there is actually a lot that melting trees can teach us about God testing us. Okay, maybe it's just me, but it was so refreshing to walk among the silver trees through the quad and just listen to the cracking sound of branches shedding their winter skins and coming back to life.
I have been going through a hard time lately as many of you might know. I may put on a brave face, but it's not always easy letting go of dreams and aspirations more than two years in the making. I found myself in my own winter skin... cold and bending ready to snap in half, not knowing what was going to happen next. Even if I do get rid of this ice all around me, I am still bent and awkward and I wonder how long it will take for me to stand upright.
Then I realized that of all the branches being broken off are the branches that are really the weakest. God's living water froze around me and it was hard, but the weight of it broke off what didn't need to be there and tested what should stay and what should go. What I am left with may not be much, but it's a start. I look forward to feeling the breeze and the warm sun. I anticipate the water trickling down from the melting ice and feeding the roots giving me the strength to grow something new. I know even though I can't see it that Spring is coming because it comes every year without fail and when it does I will bloom again.
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| Frequently asked questions...So many of you know and want to know the "dirty details" about why Sam and I broke up...
Sam and I broke up because we were trying to maintain a relationship from a very bad standpoint in our lives. We want to be there for each other and make it work, but really it was just impossible. The break up was made in a mature, civil manner and we are still very good friends and will continue to be for many years to come. One day we might get back together, but if we don't then it's not going to shatter our worlds. We have ZERO regrets about our relationship and that's the way that it should be.
So you might be asking me "But Joanna, are you okay?"
Yes. Between the car wreck last weekend and the break up this weekend, I should be totally heartbroken, shattered, battered and a car wreck in and of myself.... but I'm not. I haven't cried a single tear and when the break up happened, it was a relief because now I can be myself by myself for a while and it's going to be good even if the adjustment period will get weird. I know at least "Ex-boyfriend" was not previously in my vocabulary.
My friends all swear that suitors will pop up from seemingly nowhere and that I'll get another guy in no time but the fact of the matter is, Sam set a pretty high bar to jump. I'm not about to sit here and say that I don't want a relationship right now, because I don't know what God's timing is going to be like and He knows better than me when it comes to romance. If I don't meet my next significant other for a while, then it's okay, but if I meet him next week then screw all ideas of a rebound boyfriend >_> Seriously though, I may wait a while before I start looking again anyway just because I'm still switching mindsets.
Another question that I believe I should answer is "Do you think you guys started too early?"
No. He was exactly what I needed at this time in my life and like I said, we have no regrets. Relationships start and end all the time and while high school relationships hardly ever worked out, I still would have done the exact same thing all over again. I am a better person after having dated this incredible man and I wish him the best of everything as we set out our different ways.
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